"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague.
"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero…"
A mathematician organizes a raffle in which the prize is an infinite amount of money paid over an infinite amount of time.
Of course, with the promise of such a prize, his tickets sell like hot cake.
When the winning ticket is drawn, and the jubilant winner comes to claim his prize, the mathematician explains the mode of payment: "1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the week after that…"
A math student and a computer science student are jogging together in a park when they hear a voice: "Please, help me!"
They stop and look. The voice belongs to a frog sitting in the grass.
"Please, help me!" the frog repeats. "I'm not really a frog: I'm an enchanted, beautiful princess. Kiss me, and the spell will be broken – and I will be yours forever…"
The CS student picks up the frog and examines it carefully from all sides – making not even an attempt to kiss it.
"You don't have to marry me", the frog continues frantically, "if you're afraid of the commitment. I'll do whatever you wish me to do if you just kiss me…"
The frog's voice is silenced, when the CS student puts the animal into the right pocket of his pants.
"But why don't you kiss her?!" the math student asks.
"You know", the CS student replies, "I simply don't have time for a girlfriend – but a frog that talks makes a really cool pet…"
A visitor at the Royal Tyrell Museum asks a museum employee: "Can you tell me how old the skeleton of that T-Rex is?"
"It is precisely 60 million and three years, two months, and eighteen days old."
"How can you know that with such precision?!"
"Well, when I started working here, one of the scientists told me that the skeleton was 60 million years old – and that was precisely three years, two months, and eighteen days ago…"
"Divide fourteen sugar cubes into three cups of coffee so that each cup has an odd number of sugar cubes in it."
"That's easy: one, one, and twelve."
"But twelve isn't odd!"
"It's an odd number of cubes to put in a cup of coffee…"
A mathematician gives a talk intended for a general audience. The talk is announced in the local newspaper, but he expects few people to show up because nobody who is not a mathematician will be able to make any sense of the title: Convex sets and inequalities.
To his surprise, the auditorium is crammed when his talk begins. After he has finished, someone in the audience raises his hand.
"But you said nothing about the actual topic of your talk!"
"What topic to you mean?"
"Well, the one that was announced in the paper: Convicts, sex, and inequality."
At the end of his course on mathematical methods in optimization, the professor sternly looks at his students and says: "There is one final piece of advice I'm going to give you now: Whatever you have learned in my course – never ever try to apply it to your personal lives!"
"Why?" the students ask.
"Well, some years ago, I observed my wife preparing breakfast, and I noticed that she wasted a lot of time walking back and forth in the kitchen. So, I went to work, optimized the whole procedure, and told my wife about it."
"And what happened?!"
"Before I applied my expert knowledge, my wife needed about half an hour to prepare breakfast for the two of us. And now, it takes me less than fifteen minutes…"
Q: What is the most erotic number?
A: 2110593!
Q: Why?
A: When 2 are 1 and don't pay at10tion, they'll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they'll be 3…
Two math students, a boy and his girlfriend, are going to a fair. They are in line to ride the ferris wheel when it shuts down.
The boy says: "It's a sin for those people to keep us waiting like this!"
The girl replies: "No – it's a cosin, silly!!!"
Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
A: A high school math problem!
Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work – the philosopher can do without the trash bin…
A newlywed husband is discouraged by his wife's obsession with mathematics. Afraid of being second fiddle to her profession, he finally confronts her: "Do you love math more than me?"
"Of course not, dear – I love you much more!"
Happy, although sceptical, he challenges her: "Well, then prove it!"
Pondering a bit, she responds: "Ok… Let epsilon be greater than zero…"
It is only two weeks into the term that, in a calculus class, a student raises his hand and asks: "Will we ever need this stuff in real life?"
The professor gently smiles and says: "Of course not – if your real life will consist of flipping hamburgers at MacDonald's!"
A math professor, a native Texan, was asked by one of his students: "What is mathematics good for?"
He replied: "This question makes me sick! If you show someone the Grand Canyon for the first time, and he asks you `What's it good for?' What would you do? Well, you kick that guy off the cliff!"
Adalah dipohon kepada para graduan yang telah berkonvokesyen mulai tahun 2006 hingga 2013 bagi mengemaskini status anda di capaian ini : SistemSKPG I - Kemas Kini Status Pekerjaan.
Kementerian Pendidikan Malaysia ingin memaklumkan terdapat satu laman web dan laman Facebook yang mendakwa menyediakan Bantuan Dana Pendidikan yang diberi nama BANTUAN DANA PENDIDIKAN 2013.
Lecturer User Manual CIDOS e-Learningpreview online Lecturer User Manual CIDOS e BAHAGIAN PEMBANGUNAN KURIKULUM-Learning & BAHAGIAN KECEMERLANGAN INSTRUKSIONAL JABATAN PENGAJIAN POLITEKNIK Aras 11, Heritage Office Tower,
FORMAT PENULISANpreview online FORMAT PENULISAN TITLE (B OLD, SIZE 14, UPPERCASE, CENTER) Author 11, Author 22 and Author3 (B old, Title Case, Size 11, Center) 1, 2 Politeknik Ungku Omar, Ipoh, Perak
DASAR DAN PRINSIP PENTAKSIRAN POLITEKNIKpreview online DASAR DAN PRINSIP PENTAKSIRAN POLITEKNIK 2 2.2 Pentaksiran yang mempunyai nilai kesahan Kesahan memastikan aktiviti dan kriteria pentaksiran yang dilaksanakan
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Polytechnic of Tuanku Sultanah Bahiyah (PTSB) was formerly known as Polytechnic of Kulim, is the 16th polytechnic under the Ministry of Higher Education, Malaysia. Polytechnic of Tuanku Sultanah Bahiyah (PTSB) is the second polytechnic established in Kedah after Polytechnic of Sultan Abdul Halim Mu'adzam Shah at Jitra.
PTSB started its operation on the 1st March 2002 at the temporary campus at Polytechnic of Seberang Perai, Penang and moved to the main campus on a 100 acre land at Kulim Hi-Tech Park on 3rd March 2003. June 9th, 2003 was the first intake of the students of PTSB and the number was 507. To date, the number of students have reached more than 4, 500. After 5 years of its operation, PTSB was officiated by the Sultan of Kedah, His Royal Highness Al Sultan AlMu'tasimu Billahi Muhibbuddin Tuanku AlHaj Abdul Halim Mu'adzam Shah Ibni Almarhum Sultan Badlishah.
PTSB is led by a Director, assisted by two (2) Deputy Directors and six (6) Head of Departments. With the spirit and commitment by the front line officers and the staffs, PTSB is determined to be one of the best polytechnics in Malaysia.
At PTSB, students can choose to further their study either in diploma or certificate level offered by four (4) academic departments namely Civil Engineering Department (CED), Electrical Engineering Department (EED), Mechanical Engineering Department (MED), and Commerce Department (CD). PTSB also offers the Lifelong learning Programme through the Part Time Courses handled every weekend.
COMMERCE DEPARTMENT
Introduction
Commerce Department (CD) Politeknik Tuanku Sultanah Bahiyah (PTSB) has started its operation on 2nd March 2003, led by a Head of Department. Three Head of Programs are responsible to each course in executing the Polytechnic curriculum at CD. There were 15 lecturers who have taught 171 first intake students in 2003. It takes 200 new students each semester and they are given an academic advisor to help and guide them throughout their study session.
Objectives
To increase the quality of teaching and learning in the particular fields
To create half-professional students in accounting, marketing and business whether in diploma or certificate level in order to fulfill the needs of human resource in public and private sectors
Walaupun penat tetapi ianya sangat memuaskan diri apabila dapat menceriakan Jabatan Perdagangan. Pada 19hb Februari ini, pelajar DAT3A akan menyambung tugas mereka dengan menanam pokok herba di kawasan yang telah disediakan sebentar tadi.
Final semester students for June 2013 session who were offered for the Special Assessment (Penilaian Khas), you are required to accomplish the following before the registration date which is on 9 December 2013 at your respective department:
Polytechnic of Tuanku Sultanah Bahiyah (PTSB) was formerly known as Polytechnic of Kulim, is the 16th polytechnic under the Ministry of Higher Education, Malaysia. Polytechnic of Tuanku Sultanah Bahiyah (PTSB) is the second polytechnic established in Kedah after Polytechnic of Sultan Abdul Halim Mu'adzam Shah at Jitra.
PTSB started its operation on the 1st March 2002 at the temporary campus at Polytechnic of Seberang Perai, Penang and moved to the main campus on a 100 acre land at Kulim Hi-Tech Park on 3rd March 2003. June 9th, 2003 was the first intake of the students of PTSB and the number was 507. To date, the number of students have reached more than 4, 500. After 5 years of its operation, PTSB was officiated by the Sultan of Kedah, His Royal Highness Al Sultan AlMu'tasimu Billahi Muhibbuddin Tuanku AlHaj Abdul Halim Mu'adzam Shah Ibni Almarhum Sultan Badlishah.
PTSB is led by a Director, assisted by two (2) Deputy Directors and six (6) Head of Departments. With the spirit and commitment by the front line officers and the staffs, PTSB is determined to be one of the best polytechnics in Malaysia.
At PTSB, students can choose to further their study either in diploma or certificate level offered by four (4) academic departments namely Civil Engineering Department (CED), Electrical Engineering Department (EED), Mechanical Engineering Department (MED), and Commerce Department (CD). PTSB also offers the Lifelong learning Programme through the Part Time Courses handled every weekend.
COMMERCE DEPARTMENT
Introduction
Commerce Department (CD) Politeknik Tuanku Sultanah Bahiyah (PTSB) has started its operation on 2nd March 2003, led by a Head of Department. Three Head of Programs are responsible to each course in executing the Polytechnic curriculum at CD. There were 15 lecturers who have taught 171 first intake students in 2003. It takes 200 new students each semester and they are given an academic advisor to help and guide them throughout their study session.
Objectives
To increase the quality of teaching and learning in the particular fields
To create half-professional students in accounting, marketing and business whether in diploma or certificate level in order to fulfill the needs of human resource in public and private sectors
1. You need to pay participation fee amount *MYR200.00 per team* before or on 30 September 2015, WEDNESDAY to *BANK SIMPANAN NASIONAL* account number: 0810 0290 0000 9831 , KELAB KEJURUTERAAN AWAM PUO. (any inquiries about the payment please contact Mrs. Noor Rashidah binti Noordin/ tel no: **+60 125159056* 2. Email the slip payment to admin@internationalbuildandbreak.com 3. If the payment and the slip are not received before/on 30 September 2015, your team consider disqualified to this competition. 4. Confirmation letter will be send after the payment recieved.
*POSTER* 1. Each group should be prepared a poster (bridge structure) size A3 and submit the poster to the registration counter on 07 October 2015, Wednesday.
*Participants:* 1. Please read the competition rules carefully. 2. Participants ensure that all the information is true and correct. 3. Participant are responsible to cover their own travelling and accommodation expenses to the final event. 4. Participants have to follow all the rules during the competition
bil
Kod
Institusi
Teams Name
1
PNJ1
STATE POLYTECHNIC OF JAKARTA
SANDHISIMA BRIDGE
2
UTP1
UNIVERSITI TEKNOLOGI PETRONAS (UTP)
Rock and Roll
3
UTP2
UNIVERSITI TEKNOLOGI PETRONAS (UTP)
Bridge not falling down
4
UTM1
UNIVERSITI TEKNOLOGI MALAYSIA (UTM)
Civilista
5
UTM2
UNIVERSITI TEKNOLOGI MALAYSIA (UTM)
TITANIUM TRANSPORTER 6+
6
UTM3
UNIVERSITI TEKNOLOGI MALAYSIA (UTM)
MnM
7
UTM4
UNIVERSITI TEKNOLOGI MALAYSIA (UTM)
MARVELLOUS 4
8
UPNM1
UNIVERSITI PERTAHANAN NASIONAL MALAYSIA (UPNM)
TUAH
9
UPNM2
UNIVERSITI PERTAHANAN NASIONAL MALAYSIA (UPNM)
JEBAT
10
UPNM3
UNIVERSITI PERTAHANAN NASIONAL MALAYSIA (UPNM)
LEKIR
11
UPNM4
UNIVERSITI PERTAHANAN NASIONAL MALAYSIA (UPNM)
LEKIU
12
UPNM5
UNIVERSITI PERTAHANAN NASIONAL MALAYSIA (UPNM)
KASTURI
13
PMM1
POLITEKNIK MERLIMAU MELAKA (PMM)
POLIMER BRIDGE
14
PMM2
POLITEKNIK MERLIMAU MELAKA (PMM)
CHARLES
15
PMM3
POLITEKNIK MERLIMAU MELAKA (PMM)
GOLDEN GATE'S
16
PMM4
POLITEKNIK MERLIMAU MELAKA (PMM)
STRUCTURE TEAM THE GREAT (STTG)
17
PMM5
POLITEKNIK MERLIMAU MELAKA (PMM)
GOLD TEAM
18
PMM6
POLITEKNIK MERLIMAU MELAKA (PMM)
PMM NO 1
19
PSIS1
POLITEKNIK SULTAN IDRIS SHAH (PSIS)
SYNERGY PSIS
20
PSIS2
POLITEKNIK SULTAN IDRIS SHAH (PSIS)
SUSTAINABLE PSIS
21
PSIS3
POLITEKNIK SULTAN IDRIS SHAH (PSIS)
INSPIRING
22
PSIS4
POLITEKNIK SULTAN IDRIS SHAH (PSIS)
PIONEERING
23
PSA1
POLITEKNIK SULTAN SALAHUDDIN ABDUL AZIZ SHAH (PSA)
UNBREAKABLE
24
PSA2
POLITEKNIK SULTAN SALAHUDDIN ABDUL AZIZ SHAH (PSA)
PSAteam
25
PSA3
POLITEKNIK SULTAN SALAHUDDIN ABDUL AZIZ SHAH (PSA)
LANGKARSUKA
26
PSA4
POLITEKNIK SULTAN SALAHUDDIN ABDUL AZIZ SHAH (PSA)
ANONYMOUS
27
PSA5
POLITEKNIK SULTAN SALAHUDDIN ABDUL AZIZ SHAH (PSA)
Sci Team
28
PSA6
POLITEKNIK SULTAN SALAHUDDIN ABDUL AZIZ SHAH (PSA)
THE RED EMPIRE
29
PSA7
POLITEKNIK SULTAN SALAHUDDIN ABDUL AZIZ SHAH (PSA)
THE MASTERMINDS
30
PSA8
POLITEKNIK SULTAN SALAHUDDIN ABDUL AZIZ SHAH (PSA)
Exertion
31
PSA9
POLITEKNIK SULTAN SALAHUDDIN ABDUL AZIZ SHAH (PSA)
LEGAL ELIMINATORS
32
PSA10
POLITEKNIK SULTAN SALAHUDDIN ABDUL AZIZ SHAH (PSA)
GOLDEN JAGUAR
33
PPD1
POLITEKNIK PORT DICKSON (PPD)
MyPPD
34
PPD2
POLITEKNIK PORT DICKSON (PPD)
LEGASI SENI BINA
35
PPD3
POLITEKNIK PORT DICKSON (PPD)
TAMPARULI
36
PPD4
POLITEKNIK PORT DICKSON (PPD)
STABILITY
37
PPD5
POLITEKNIK PORT DICKSON (PPD)
HYDRA
38
PPD6
POLITEKNIK PORT DICKSON (PPD)
FORCE DICKSON
39
PPD7
POLITEKNIK PORT DICKSON (PPD)
AMANI
40
PTSB1
POLITEKNIK TUANKU SULTANAH BAHIYAH (PTSB)
PTSB -T1
41
PTSB2
POLITEKNIK TUANKU SULTANAH BAHIYAH (PTSB)
PTSB -T2
42
PTSB3
POLITEKNIK TUANKU SULTANAH BAHIYAH (PTSB)
PTSB -T3
43
PTSB4
POLITEKNIK TUANKU SULTANAH BAHIYAH (PTSB)
PTSB-T4
44
PTSB5
POLITEKNIK TUANKU SULTANAH BAHIYAH (PTSB)
PTSB-T5
45
PKU1
POLITEKNIK KUCHING SARAWAK (PKU)
POLIKU TEAM A
46
PKU2
POLITEKNIK KUCHING SARAWAK (PKU)
POLIKU TEAM B
47
PSMZA1
POLITEKNIK SULTAN MIZAN ZAINAL ABIDIN (PSMZA)
GEDIOUS
48
PSMZA2
POLITEKNIK SULTAN MIZAN ZAINAL ABIDIN (PSMZA)
T.E.G
49
PSMZA3
POLITEKNIK SULTAN MIZAN ZAINAL ABIDIN (PSMZA)
JL GROUP
50
PSMZA4
POLITEKNIK SULTAN MIZAN ZAINAL ABIDIN (PSMZA)
BRIDGE DESIGN HORIZONTAL (B.D.H)
51
PSMZA5
POLITEKNIK SULTAN MIZAN ZAINAL ABIDIN (PSMZA)
FANTABULOUS FC
52
PSMZA6
POLITEKNIK SULTAN MIZAN ZAINAL ABIDIN (PSMZA)
XENIUS
53
PSMZA7
POLITEKNIK SULTAN MIZAN ZAINAL ABIDIN (PSMZA)
XENIA TEAM
54
PSMZA8
POLITEKNIK SULTAN MIZAN ZAINAL ABIDIN (PSMZA)
TARGET
55
PSMZA9
POLITEKNIK SULTAN MIZAN ZAINAL ABIDIN (PSMZA)
YAHOO
56
PMK1
POLITEKNIK MELAKA (PMK)
PMK1
57
PMK2
POLITEKNIK MELAKA (PMK)
PMK2
58
PMK3
POLITEKNIK MELAKA (PMK)
PMK3
59
PSAS1
POLITEKNIK SULTAN AZLAN SHAH, BEHRANG (PSAS)
AL-RAKA
60
PSAS2
POLITEKNIK SULTAN AZLAN SHAH, BEHRANG (PSAS)
BEST
61
PSAS3
POLITEKNIK SULTAN AZLAN SHAH, BEHRANG (PSAS)
Slyo'beth
62
PSAS4
POLITEKNIK SULTAN AZLAN SHAH, BEHRANG (PSAS)
GEN 10 PSAS
63
PSAS5
POLITEKNIK SULTAN AZLAN SHAH, BEHRANG (PSAS)
PSAS 2
64
PSAS6
POLITEKNIK SULTAN AZLAN SHAH, BEHRANG (PSAS)
SUPER NET
65
POLISAS1
POLITEKNIK SULTAN HAJI AHMAD SHAH, KUANTAN (POLISAS)
POLISAS A
66
POLISAS2
POLITEKNIK SULTAN HAJI AHMAD SHAH, KUANTAN (POLISAS)
POLISAS B
67
POLISAS3
POLITEKNIK SULTAN HAJI AHMAD SHAH, KUANTAN (POLISAS)
POLISAS C
68
POLISAS4
POLITEKNIK SULTAN HAJI AHMAD SHAH, KUANTAN (POLISAS)
Polytechnic of Tuanku Sultanah Bahiyah (PTSB) was formerly known as Polytechnic of Kulim, is the 16th polytechnic under the Ministry of Higher Education, Malaysia. Polytechnic of Tuanku Sultanah Bahiyah (PTSB) is the second polytechnic established in Kedah after Polytechnic of Sultan Abdul Halim Mu'adzam Shah at Jitra.
PTSB started its operation on the 1st March 2002 at the temporary campus at Polytechnic of Seberang Perai, Penang and moved to the main campus on a 100 acre land at Kulim Hi-Tech Park on 3rd March 2003. June 9th, 2003 was the first intake of the students of PTSB and the number was 507. To date, the number of students have reached more than 4, 500. After 5 years of its operation, PTSB was officiated by the Sultan of Kedah, His Royal Highness Al Sultan AlMu'tasimu Billahi Muhibbuddin Tuanku AlHaj Abdul Halim Mu'adzam Shah Ibni Almarhum Sultan Badlishah.
PTSB is led by a Director, assisted by two (2) Deputy Directors and six (6) Head of Departments. With the spirit and commitment by the front line officers and the staffs, PTSB is determined to be one of the best polytechnics in Malaysia.
At PTSB, students can choose to further their study either in diploma or certificate level offered by four (4) academic departments namely Civil Engineering Department (CED), Electrical Engineering Department (EED), Mechanical Engineering Department (MED), and Commerce Department (CD). PTSB also offers the Lifelong learning Programme through the Part Time Courses handled every weekend.
COMMERCE DEPARTMENT
Introduction
Commerce Department (CD) Politeknik Tuanku Sultanah Bahiyah (PTSB) has started its operation on 2nd March 2003, led by a Head of Department. Three Head of Programs are responsible to each course in executing the Polytechnic curriculum at CD. There were 15 lecturers who have taught 171 first intake students in 2003. It takes 200 new students each semester and they are given an academic advisor to help and guide them throughout their study session.
Objectives
To increase the quality of teaching and learning in the particular fields
To create half-professional students in accounting, marketing and business whether in diploma or certificate level in order to fulfill the needs of human resource in public and private sectors
Program Pentauliahan Profesional Sesi Okt-Nov 2015 akan diadakan di Politeknik Seberang Perai ( PSP ), P. Pinang yang turut merangkumi penyertaan dari pelajar-pelajar kampus politeknik di bahagian Tengah dan Utara Semenanjung Malaysia.
Politeknik Tuanku Sultanah Bahiyah akan mengadakan Majlis Konvokesyen ke-10 bagi para lulusan Sesi Disember 2013 dan Sesi Jun 2014 seperti ketetapan berikut :
Tarikh : 15 Oktober 2015 ( Khamis ) dan 18 Oktober 2015 ( Ahad )
Penyertaan adalah percuma dan terbuka kepada semua pelajar Politeknik Tuanku Sultanah Bahiyah ( PTSB ) secara individu mulai 11 Oktober 2015 sehingga 22 Oktober 2015.
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